


Thanatophobia

by wiltshire



Series: The Death of Daiya Oowada [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 04:06:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10506027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wiltshire/pseuds/wiltshire
Summary: Chihiro helps his dad cope





	

       Losing a loved one is perhaps the biggest form of despair that a person can go through. It's like your whole world comes crashing down around you and you either feel everything at once or nothing at all. Sometimes it takes a moment for reality to set in. You may play it off as a joke, thinking that whoever it was couldn't possibly be gone. That's when it will hit you all at once. You'll try to rationalize with yourself. You tell yourself it's all a dream or that it's some cruel joke that everyone is playing on you. Maybe you even convince yourself that it's a lie but the moment you see the body for yourself, you'll snap. A normal person would cry. They would cry until there was nothing left in them and then sit in silence for hours afterwards. They wouldn't be able to think clearly.   
        It was the exact kind of despair that Chihiro had witnessed his dad go through after the accident.

        He could still remember the look on their faces when Daiya had surprised Taichi for his birthday. It had been the first one they celebrated together after finally becoming a couple and they had been so excited about it. Chihiro couldn't have been happier for them. The flowers that Daiya had bought remained on the table for weeks before Taichi had finally moved them to a safer place where he could save them. After all, they were incredibly important to him. Daiya made him happier than anyone else and Chihiro loved seeing his dad so bright and cheerful. There had been many birthdays celebrated together after that. The two had been together for three years before the accident happened.

        Every year, whether it was Daiya's or Taichi's birthday, the two would go out to dinner. It was always to the same place and it had become a tradition that they were extremely adamant about. Neither of them wanted to miss out on the chance to spoil each other as much as possible, if just for the night. Their birthday nights were special. 

        Chihiro could hear his dad in his room now. Taichi was trying to keep his voice down, to no avail. The young programmer flinched at the gut wrenching sobs coming from the darkened room. He had returned to that state every time it got close to either his or Daiya's birthday. He would either be crying or on the brink of tears at all times, even more so if the reason he was so upset in the first place was brought up. Daiya. 

        Taichi was a wreck and it amazed Chihiro how he was able to function on his own, let alone take care of his son. It almost made him feel like a burden on his father, like he was only adding on to what Taichi was going through. It made Chihiro feel horrible but despite this, Taichi assured him that it wasn't the case. He had told Chihiro countless times that he was actually the only thing keeping Taichi from falling apart completely. The young programmer wasn't sure if this was just to appease him or if it was really genuine. He didn't want to distrust his father and yet the small voice in the back of his head, the one he had argued with for years, told him that he was making his father's pain worse just by being there.

        Chihiro didn't want to believe it. He wanted to believe that his father needed him and wanted him to stay at home, but that voice had slowly began to chip away at his confidence whether he admitted it to himself or not. Still, he persevered. He was still Taichi's son. He needed to be there for him, now more than ever. Taichi had gone through too much loss without Chihiro leaving. Doing so would only make the situation worse and that was the last thing Chihiro wanted to do. He just wanted to see his dad happy again, no matter what it took.

        Raising a hand to the door, Chihiro hesitated. He knew that his dad wouldn't want Chihiro to see him like this, but was there really a choice at this point? No. He would have to get over what ever pride he had left, just this once.  


Chihiro knocked on the door gently. Once, twice. The sobbing from inside the room quieted down to pathetic sounding whines and sniffles. Nothing that would ever be expected to come from a grown man. There was no response. Taichi was most likely deciding whether or not to let him in. Finally, there was some shuffling from inside the room which was followed by muffled footsteps across the carpet and over to the door. 

        When the door opened, it was obvious even to anyone that hadn't heard him that he had been crying. His hair was disheveled, his always present glasses missing. Taichi's eyes were red and puffy from crying so long but it was clear that he had at least tried to wipe his face before answering the door. The look on his exhausted face practically screamed that he was afraid of what Chihiro would think of him at this point. The man had very little respect for himself to begin with and probably had even less now due to the state that he was in. He didn't want his son to be disappointed in him or think that he was failing as a father because of his inability to take care of himself.

        Chihiro knew that he was lucky to have such an amazing father. One that cared about his son's well being before his own and did everything he could to make him happy. Granted, Chihiro had never asked for something he deemed too unreasonable on his father's part. After all, their respect for each other went both ways. Chihiro had friends of course, but no one came quite as close to being as important to him as his father. He wanted to make Taichi proud to call him his son and in order to do this, Chihiro had convinced himself that he needed to be stronger. His father needed him right now. He needed to be strong in order to help him.

        Taichi apologized for his current state almost immediately after opening the door but Chihiro shook his head and gave his father a tight hug. Despite being shocked at the sudden contact, Taichi returned the hug, grateful for at least some form of affection. There was a moment of silence and an unspoken realization on Taichi's part that his son wasn't going to hate him for being upset. He understood that Chihiro wanted the same thing that he did: for his father to be happy again. There were a few more moments of silence before Chihiro finally spoke. "Papa, are you going to be okay?" The question was carefully worded as if Chihiro had been holding onto the question.   
         There was a certain hesitance in Taichi's voice when he decided to speak. "I think I will, but.." The older man winced after trailing off, trying to figure out the right words. His son had always been much better at saying exactly what he wanted to. It was something Taichi envied in him. "..not today. I just need some time." Taichi's words were soft, his voice quiet either so it wouldn't crack as much or so that he wouldn't upset Chihiro. It was the first birthday of Taichi's that he would be spending without Daiya since the accident.

        One of Daiya's old shirts laid crumpled on the bed among the blankets, partially hidden as if Taichi was ashamed that it was there. If Chihiro would have felt it, he quickly would have realized that it was damp to the touch from having been held while Taichi was crying. The thought never even crossed Chihiro's mind. Even if it had, he wouldn't have went to check out of respect for his father's privacy. He wasn't the type of child that would barge into his father's room without permission. No, Chihiro was far better than that.

        He recognized that he needed to grow up and take responsibility for everything as much as he needed to until his father was doing well again. It was the very least he could do, after how well he had been taken care of by his father for all of his life. Taichi had been accepting of him when he needed to be the most and had never thrown insults or unnecessary criticism his way. There were, of course, moments when Chihiro needed to be corrected in his programming. However, Taichi had always been kind about his corrections and explained exactly what Chihiro had done wrong instead of calling him a fool for making mistakes. He had always been more than considerate about his son's feelings, seeing it as a necessary part of being a parent. Chihiro was truly lucky to have gotten such a great father in his life.

        "Everything will be okay, you know." Chihiro's quiet voice had broken Taichi out of his thoughts again and he blinked a few times to bring himself back to reality before looking down at his son. "You're the one that taught me to have hope even when things are looking horrible." Chihiro paused, carefully choosing his words once more before speaking. He knew he was treading on thin ice. Daiya had usually been the one to make Taichi happy. Chihiro wasn't used to it, but he was going to try his best. "He would want you to be happy again, Papa. You know he would."

        Although Chihiro had avoided saying Daiya's name out loud, his words seemed to cut through the air and stab Taichi right in the chest. A new flood of tears threatened to spill from Taichi, but he managed to keep himself together. He took a deep breath before responding. "I know." The words were barely above a whisper, but he knew just how right Chihiro was. Daiya would have hated to see him so upset. He would have done everything in his power to make Taichi happy and wouldn't have relented unless he got a smile at the very least. Daiya wasn't there though. He would never be there again, and Taichi was slowly beginning to accept it. 

        Daiya was dead. There was nothing Taichi could do to change the fact. All he could do was accept that he would never see him again and make an effort to move on. He wasn't strong enough to do it. Both he and Chihiro knew this, even if Chihiro didn't want to admit it. 

        'Maybe,' Taichi thought in a single bitter moment 'I'll just learn to embrace the despair of losing him.'


End file.
